Beating Anger (Part 1)
24.09.2006, 9:32 p.m.

So, now I am going to open myself up for ridicule and embarrassment some more. I figured I should do a few exercises to do with my anger. I'm slightly worried about placing them in here because 1) I know they are pretty boring, even more so than the rest of my diary and 2) I am writing down some personal things. I've decided not to worry though, this is my way of sorting myself out and letting off some steam. If people don't want to read these entries then they can just go to the next one, or alternatively encouraging and nice remarks can be left in the comments box below. It's up to them. So here I go:

Defining Anger

Passive Aggression
"Passive aggresion is buried anger. When it comes out it is usually expressed in veiled and indirect ways. While passive in its application, however, it is aggressive in its intent. It is associated with the 'flight' part of the 'fight or flight' response and is the repression or denial of anger - but anger will always find a way out. People who express their anger passively are often scared of overt anger, be it their own or someone else's.

Passive aggression includes a range of behaviours and feelings. Not everyone who is passive aggressive will expressor experience all of them, but all will exhibit some of them sometimes." Passive-aggressive behaviours include the following:

+ Guardedness, secrecy, caginess, witholding
+ Calculation, manipulation, deviousness, underhandedness, controlling
+ Self-sacrifice, self-denial, martyrdom
+ Obsession, compulsion, neurosis, fanaticism
+ Shiftiness, evasion, slipperiness, dodginess, craftiness, deviousness
+ Self-blame, self-judgement, self-criticism, self-shame
+ Ineffectuality, incompetence, feebleness, hopelessness
+ Dispassion, inauthenticity, phoniness, insincerity, inability to make decisions, fatalism, defeatism.

How passive aggressive am I?

My exercise is to think about my own life and write down any instances I can think of when I have used these particular passive-aggressive behaviours.

+ Guardedness, secrecy, caginess, witholding
I give people the silent treatment when I am annoyed with them or they have upset me. I am dishonest and lie if I don't want people to know the truth about me or things I have done. I avoid eye-contact a lot, especially with Mark. I talk about people behind their backs. I make put-downs under my breath so people can't hear me.

+ Calculation, manipulation, deviousness, underhandedness, controlling
I provoke others into being aggressive and then patronise them for doing so. I use tears to make others feel sorry for me. I forget to do things for people. I play stupid or innocent quite a lot of the time.

+ Self-sacrifice, self-denial, martyrdom
I think of myself as always being too 'nice'. I am over-helpful. I always sell myself short. I often feel let down by others. I refuse help.

+ Obsession, compulsion, neurosis, fanaticism
I am a perfectionist. I like things to be clean and tidy.

+ Shiftiness, evasion, slipperiness, dodginess, craftiness, deviousness
I avoid conflict as much as possible. I avoid people. I don't go out of the house unless I have to. I don't take responsibility for my failings. I'm phobic. I don't deal with things when I should.

+ Self-blame, self-judgement, self-criticism, self-shame
I never stop putting myself down. I constantly say sorry, even if I'm not at fault. I behave in a self-destructive way that turns my anger against myself in order to avoid the pain of conflict and criticism by others.

+ Ineffectuality, incompetence, feebleness, hopelessness
I'm clumsy and accident prone. I am too dependent on others. I under-achieve. I make silly mistakes. I set myself up for failure.

+ Dispassion, inauthenticity, phoniness, insincerity, inability to make decisions, fatalism, defeatism
I give people the cold shoulder. I sit on the fence and let others solve problems. I am defeatest, if something doesn't go my way I give up. I am insincere. I'm fake towards most people.