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What a cow I must be one hell of a horrible girlfriend for my boyfriend to dread calling me to tell me his mobile phone is broken. This morning I got a call from Mark saying his sim card had packed up and he couldn't turn his phone on. He needed to call O2 about getting a replacement sim which he couldn't do until 9.00am. Luckily it's all fixed and he is getting a new sim card by Wednesday morning, it just means for now that I can't text him. He is using a pay-as-you-go sim card from his brother that only has 34p available credit on it, and neither of them has the card that allows you to top it up. Men! Our only way of communicating at the minute is for him to call me on his brothers phone and hang up before I answer to allow me to call him back. That's fine. He is working nights this weekend so he sleeps while I'm awake and is busy working while I'm asleep. The beginning of next week he'll be catching up on his sleep while I'm at work and we'll talk like we usually do. Hopefully everything will be sorted out soon. What get to me though was that he dreaded telling me we couldn't speak. Am I that much of a bitch? Ok, yes I did throw a little strop but I think it was mostly a reaction to him saying what he did. Fine, I'm a little pissed off that I won't get to speak to him this weekend, it's not his fault, and I'll get over it. Next weekend we'll be back to normall. Argh. I'm just so annoyed with myself that I make him feel like this. I am such a cow. I shouldn't make my boyfriend of over 3 years (3 years, 9 months and 3 days to be exact, thank you very much) feel this way. He should expect me to be sympathetic and I should be that way. I should be understanding and not worrying about him so much, but yet I am. I worry that he won't get to work or home after a long shift because he is so tired. I want to know that he is okay. I know I got pissed off because I also couldn't text him. He is my only friend. The only person I receive texts from, to get calls from and I'm so lonely without him. It's like I live for his contact - how silly does that make me sound? I'm going to have to change the way I am with him. Am I too clingy? I wouldn't say I'm clingy just reliant and dependant on him far too much. I shouldn't get so stroppy if things aren't how I'm used to, or how I want them to. I have got to remember that the whole world doesn't revolve around me. I'm so bloody selfish that I forget other people have feelings that I trample all over when I stamp my feet and walk off in a mood. I shouldn't make my boyfriend frightened to call me and tell me something as trivial as a mobile phone. I just shouldn't make him feel like that. |