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Moving on in 2007 Since the new year has passed I've been thinking a lot more about the way I have been acting of late. I'm so pessimistic it's unbelievable, no wonder I get so down about everything. I constantly look at the negative side and am just waiting for the next bad thing to bite me in the bum. I want to take steps forward, to move on and gradually progress and do the things I want to do. Even if it is such silly things as paint my room so it's all grown-up or help Mark sort his room out. There are such tiny things that have got to me and that need to be dealt with, and they will be sorted out this year. There's no point waiting around for those little fairies to come along and do what I keep putting off. Procrastinating gets you no where, especially me. Since the new year I've been more forward thinking and somehow my approach to life feels different. I was fed up with being down in the dumps about so many things I've kicked myself up the bum (hard feat that it was) and have really got my brain organised and ticking over. My whole outlook feels as if it has had a complete reversal. I'm not dragging out things that could have been done ages ago, I'm just getting on with them. I'm so much more positive. Okay, it's only been a couple of days but the way I'm feeling doesn't seem like just a phase, it feels like a new lease of life. There are so many things I want to do; obviously to find a new job and get some money flowing back in to that bank account of mine will be top priority. But whilst I'm doing my best on that front I want to be sorting out things behind the scenes too. Deep within myself. I need to do some soul-searching and pamper myself. I need to learn to love myself and accept that I have faults and flaws just like everyone else. However much I wish I was Miss Perfect, I'm not. Failing, as a Virgo, is a big no-no but it is something I've got to live with and not beat myself up about. I need and want to deal with my anger issues. I know I get easily stressed over the stupidist of things, which then annoys and angers me that I've got stressed over it, which in turn makes me worse. One huge big circle I just can't get out of and why I would turn to hitting myself to release the anger and start again. Not anymore though. I've got a new book to read and so far it seems to be helping. I'm feeling much more calmer and relaxed too. My family irritate the hell out of me and sometimes I get annoyed that someone coughed next to me and disrupted my thoughts but all in all I've got things reasonably sorted. I'm not going to take things out on Mark either. Last year he had so much of my shit to deal with and I would just nag and nag at him and wear him down. Not this year. I'm going to be more patient and to talk myself out of my anger cycle instead of erupting at him and making our relationship suffer. Whilst he stayed here the weekend I realised once more how lucky I am to have him and still be with him after nearly 4 years. He obviously loves me to pieces and would do anything for me and vice versa. I can't let that slip away just because I got angry that I opened a packet of crisps upside down or something equally as stupid. No, that Claire has gone and she has to stay gone. My steps forward this year have been to tidy through my old bank statements and bills and clear them out and shred them as I went along. It's a nice tidy area now and that's the way it should be. It won't be niggling at me to tidy it up. This morning I have also called the Job Centre about Job Seeker's Allowance and have scheduled a meeting with them on Thursday 4th January. Plus I also applied for 4 jobs on Christmas Eve (did I mention this?) and they are all within what I was doing in my last job. Although none are for an estimator they are based around that role and for reasonable pay. Getting my CV out there makes me feel better and lets me think positive that jobs are still available. I'm not dwelling on the past or the redundancy. What can I do about it now anyway? It's over and done with and I have to move on and find another better job. Last year I made a few simple New Year Resolutions and I want to make similar ones this year: Be happy. These three are important to me. To lose weight will be wonderful and it would help me love myself and be happy. They all connect to one. I know I can be happy without losing the weight, but I've come so far and I don't want to put it all back on again. I will love myself one day, however long it may take I will always keep coming back to this resolution. Most importantly I want everyone I love and know, and that includes everyone who reads this, to accomplish what they want out of 2007. I want their year to be better than the last, so much more is out there waiting for us and we just have to seek it out. Our ups and downs are what makes us the people we are today. Without our past and without our mistakes we wouldn't have learnt and we wouldn't be who we are today. I for one am not going to sit back and let my life pass me by, I want to be in full control and see, hear, feel what's going on. I'm going to take pleasure out of being up there, in front and taking what life has to deal me. Every rollercoaster is an adventure and one I don't want to forget. As Becca wrote: I hope 2007 will be a year of progress. |