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The truth No entry for me yesterday I wasn't feeling too good. In the morning I woke up and my limbs were aching and I had a very sore throat but I didn't think much of it. I just assumed I'd slept funny and with my mouth open! But as the day wore on the aches got worse and I could barely keep my eyes open. I was sucking on Strepsils like they were sweets and taking Nurofen to help combat colds/flu. I didn't know what it was, it felt more like the flu but having had the flu jab at the end of last year it wasn't quite as prominent as it could have been. At 6.30pm I went up and crawled into bed in my clothes I was already wearing. I was just so cold and couldn't warm up. I then slept for 2 hours, which is something I never ever do. I just can't nap during the day unless I'm cuddled up with Mark. This morning I woke up with a bit of a sore throat but my aches had gone. During the rest of today I've felt better, my sore throat has disappeared and I'm still not aching. Maybe it was just a 24 hour thing, but I felt wretched. At least the worst of it is over and done with now. Yesterday whilst feeling like crap I went around to see the receptionist. In some ways this was a good move and in others I feel I have been let down even more. She wanted to talk to me whilst we was on our own and explain a few things about the whole redundancy issue. Apparently she had known all that last week at work that she wasn't going to be made redundant and wasn't able to tell me. See on the Monday of our final week we were called in for a little meeting and given time to ask any questions or say anything we thought might help our case. The receptionist was to have her meeting before me but it kept being put back and back until she was the last person. This was because the directors had wanted everyone who was to be made redundant to leave the office so nothing looked suspicious that she was still working. They called her in and explained they wanted to keep her on but that it was to be kept quiet and not mentioned to anyone. All through that week she had known. I had known something was wrong and figured it was something she didn't want to talk about but I never assumed this. I didn't think the company was that sneaky. I feel stupid. All that time I was worried about being made redundant and talking it over with her and she knew she wasn't going and I was. I am such a fool. I haven't mentioned this to my family, only Mark knows. To be honest I don't want my family to know because it will just start it all off again and going back over what has happened isn't going to help me. I'm looking to the future. What has happened has happened even though the way it was dealt with wasn't particularly good. I keep thinking even more that everyone is going to be laughing about me when they return to work. It seems everyone knew even though the receptionist hadn't said anything to anyone. No wonder no one was actually talking to me, kept avoiding me. The receptionist and I would joke about being made redundant, well I'd joke and she would be silently jumping with glee knowing she wasn't going) and everyone would say directly to her that she was being silly and she'd still be with the company next year. I was just ignored. I picked up on all of these little things, but never in my mind did I assume it was because they knew I was out and she wasn't. It makes it all the more harder for me to accept that they have chosen the right person but it is something I'll have to live with. If they think she can do the work better than I can then that is fine, all the best to them. I still don't hate the receptionist or the new girl though I do feel bitterness towards them. I'm trying to look at it that this is my chance to find a better, well paid job whereas they could still be working for a failing company and all be redundant in the next six months. I'm trying to be optimistic, and I'm trying not to hold anyone responsible for this situation. I was very secretive about my job searching. I had planned to be, but I was even more so after finding out the truth. I don't want the receptionist going back in on Monday what bad luck I am having with jobs/interviews. I don't want them all knowing my business and laughing at my naivety. Maybe I'll let on if I get my dream job with a salary they could only ever wish for, but at this rate it'll be a long time before that happens. |