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Spreading myself thin I don't know why I bother thinking my sister will actually get off her bum and help out more whilst my dad is in pain. She has said she'll help and occasionally she'll make a drink or something for him, but otherwise she is back to her usual ways. She doesn't even help with the shopping. I arrived back from Tesco's this morning and thought she might be kind and open the dorr whilst I struggled with the bags but she didn't, she was fast asleep on the sofa. She was tired, oh so tired. Her way of doing more is to offer to help but then say why she isn't able to. For instance, this morning she said she would go pick up mum from her friends but she couldn't because she doesn't have a lot of petrol. And I do? Who is the one who was made redundant? At the minute I really feel I can't get a job, I can't leave my mum to cope with these two wrecks. My mum, bless her, isn't able to run around after them day in day out. She has to look after herself, I don't want her getting ill because she is too stressed and doesn't relax. She's got to remember she is getting on herself. Saying all that, I have still been looking for jobs but nothing seems to be around. Because I'm looking in the administration sector everything seems to be opening up on the financial side of things. Typical. What else have I been up to? Not a lot. I'm feeling a little better about myself, I've managed not to bite my nails for a week, which is a huge feat in itself, so I treated myself to a new handbag yesterday. No more treats (for my nails) until they are fully grown and looking good. I'm feeling really boring at the minute, I don't get out of the house to do anything and when I do it's to go food shopping with my mum! There is no job to talk about and I don't see Mark that often. Even the receptionist isn't pestering the life out of me, I emailed her yesterday and she did reply but yet again she brought up work. I only emailed because last week I think she might have taken a test message I sent her the wrong way. She was talking about the girl who was temping and I simply replied I don't want to talk about her, it's hard for me to find out I've been made redundant and yet they are employing someone else. I think we have sorted out an crossed wires although she started to talk a little about work. Today I am taking matters in to my own hands and am going to email and say how I feel that employment and redundancy was a chapter in my life. One that is finished and I am at the beginning of a new one, and I don't need to keep dredging up old memories and feelings. I have plenty of unanswered questions and will never really understand the true reason for my redundancy (I was told lack of money, recpetionist says that wasn't the case) so I want to shut that door and leave it all behind me. I have a new future lying ahead of me and I want to find it. |