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Hold on me Because I have basically been ignoring my sister the past few days I have been feeling much much better, and it has allowed me to realise she is mostly the reason I feel so down on myself. She constantly looks down her nose at me although she is no better than the person I am. I'm not the 36 year old living at home, speaking in a childs voice, acting like a little girl and who can't seem to grow up. It's as if she is jealous of me in a way. I spoke to mum about this and she agrees, but it's like my sister is either living her life through me or willing me to turn in to her. She already doesn't like it that I have always been thinner than her, she didn't like it when I got a better first job than her last ever job, she hates the fact I've got a boyfriend and had friends a long time ago. Everything I have, do, wear she has something to complain about. She is the reason I have lost contact with all my friends. She never like ANY of them and would always moan about them and slag them off until I thought she was right and ditched them and their friendships. She is also why I don't take too much care or pride with myself, she picks up on it and makes a point of mentioning it and saying I look far too dressed up to be at home, so I sit around in mens hoodies covering me up. She is the reason I have no confidence because she is constantly batting it down and making me feel small. I honestly feel I'm only half the person I should be and that I've never really met the real Claire all because she always has something to say about who I am and what I do. Recently though because I'm avoiding and ignoring her I've started to like myself and feel like a normal person. I'm still very reserved, I hold so much back and lack in so much confidence. But I know I'm there deep down and I quite like myself. It's just a shame I let her have this hold over me even if she doesn't realise it. |